the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
whose parrot is this?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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