Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
