she takes plan B like it's going out of style
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
