Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
