take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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