Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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