if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
no, he came in my armpit
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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