I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
