Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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