just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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