ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
