I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
