I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize