I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
