My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
either way he was missing a nipple.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
