New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
