'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
