my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
