you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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