when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize