Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
