i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
