so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
