I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
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Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
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She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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