this boner is exhausting
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
