she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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