One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize