I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
