Just fell off a train. Bad.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
