I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
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I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
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Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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