Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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