i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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