No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my sisters under your porch take her home
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
