Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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