I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
