Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
