3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
