I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
