And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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