I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
