Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
