Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But theres a keg here and me gusta
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize