I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
