Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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