toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
