Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We talked him into tasing himself.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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