we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
