I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
