I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
