he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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