Don't make out with my wife yet
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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