i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
