It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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