Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We're too hungover to prance.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
