he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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