well you can't waste a boner
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
