If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
