things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
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We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
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If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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