her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize